I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
