There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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