So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Found the puke drawer
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
