i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
