I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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