new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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