I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
