No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
