How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Randomize
