i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
