i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
We had to coat check the pizza.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize
