weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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