She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
