Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I could fuck to npr.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Help. Why am I so naked?
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