His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
