you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
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