so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
