I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
you told grandpa to call you daddy
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
