i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
