I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
