I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Randomize
