thus making me awesome and them whores
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
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