Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
