I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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