Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
