he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
