this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
