using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
