I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
