I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
