I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
