I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
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