first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
