Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
My feet surprised me
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