You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
