I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
420 ftw
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
