I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
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