The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
