she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
