Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
