when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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