What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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