If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
