I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
