My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
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