me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
