Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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