OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Randomize
