Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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