so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
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