Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
